its a teen thing

WHY IS IT THAT SOME PEOPLE SERIOUSLY FEEL THAT ITS OKAY TO MAKE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT THE PERFECT SIZE OR HAVNT GOT THE CLEAREST SKIN OR SOMETHING ALONG THAT LINE FEEL LIKE SO SMALL AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY. SERIOUSLY WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE..?  WHAT GIVES YOU THE FRICKING RIGHT TO GO AROUND LOOKING YOU SNOBBY LITTLE NOSE DOWN ON OTHER PEOPLE. WELL NEWS FLASH, REALITY CHECK GROW THE HELL UP..YOUR NO BETTER THEN ANYONE! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR BUTT AND GO SEE A SPEACILIST. TALK TO PEOPLE WHO FEEL SO DOWN BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND REALLY SEE HOW THEY FEEL! THEN GO AND TELL SOMEBODY THEY'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH KNOWING HTE HURT YOU CAUSE! IT MAKES ME FEEL SO ANGRY AND SICK.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DO YOU THINK ITS OK TO DO THIS ? ITS NOT. YOUR WORDS COULD BE THE END OF SOMEONE. UGH.

catching up on work exp

I had so much fun at the nursery. It was utterly amazing, it made me love kids more. The thing is i got to attached to most of the kids especially this little boy called Dallas and on my last day and he wasnt there i was kinda sad, but i had a whole lot of other kids to help out, By the end of friday the teacher says 'Know can anybody see somebody who has been here all week helping and playing with you guys' and they all point to me..then she says 'that's right, well its her last day today and what she doesnt know is that weve been working on a surprise for her' and two little children gave me a handmade card with some of the kids names in it, and a little box of choclates..i almost cried it was so lovley! i miss the dearly and was very sad monday morning sitting in dreary form! was so upsetting.

  So i wont to become a nursery teacher and i tell you what it was looking like it was my final decision, until my mother said that she'd rather i go for reception or year one. She wont stop telling me this so looks like shes made up my mind for me. once again.
     And i get she only wonts whats best for me, but i wont the indipendance and oppotunity to decide for myself. So i dont know.


Only 1 week&5days until the summer holidays AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH so excited to have a big big break for school, its so overhwelming now days. Then ill be in my last year its gone so quickly:)

workexp

so i didnt stay true to my word. im sorry. So the second day both the morning group and afternoon group had two workshop dance things waiting for them in the hall, so after getting about 17 shoes and socks of 4 year olds we had to do some balley and jungle fun. I tell you what no matter how much you tell 4 year old boys that ballay is not just for girls and they can be big boy fairys they will not have it!... ontop of that it was a really hot day and the teachers expected me to do this aswell..i was in a skirt hopping around 4 year olds trying to be a frog. SO this was pretty much the second day. The third days was basically normal playing and fun i was put in charge of rock painting. AND today was my fave, i think i made a bond with some certain children :3 i never have had so many cuddles in my life, i just love it...im going to be so sad leaving tommorow D: and i told some of the kids today that tommorow was my last day and a few nearly started crying (wow i sound like im braging) but i just love them, im so attached :(, anyway i will write tommorow


much love xoxox

work experience day uno

I was dreading work experience and i was so nervous i thouight the other school people would be really stuck up and their actualy quite nice i know two of them from when we went to school together. So i went back to my old middle school which had been turned into a primary school, but anyway, when we got there we had to sign in and then we'd be took to the library where all the work experience people were and we all had to sit around this long table and we where joint by the headteacher, she handed us our badges and our bookl;ets (health&saftey, (& two others) oh my goodness the size of them where MASSIVE, and she took us through the rules what we can and cant do with the children and on one of the sheets it told us where we were going, now i really wonted a younger year and luckily i got nursery which is english for kindergarden or pre'k, so im with like a morning group of like 5 year olds then and then when they go home at dinner time we get younger kids which range from like 4-5 i think. But it was so much better then what i thought and the teachers where so nice. i really wanna type up some of the things that happend and where actually quite funny but i dont think im allowed so ill leave that. Anyhow nursery kids play play play all day with the ocaitional story, but i swear its kiddy heave in that area. I was given the tour they have there own bathroom, a snack table full of cucumber, apples, oranges and runnerbeans and a mini fridge full of milk and they can go whenever they wont they have so many toys and things to do, and then they go outside too where theirs a massive sand piut water troughs obsticle things and really cool things to play with, so i had to get to know the kids today which was kind of aqwerd, they dont remeber my name so they call me teacher, but in the afternnon the teachers fount out that offstead where coming tommorow so they where flapping abit about that which was very understandable so anyhow i got stuck sharpening pencils the whole afternnon because thats what offstead ceck apparently little things like that, over 100 chunky pencils were in that basket..the blisters on my thumbs and fingers are massive. After today ive decided i wont to go into teaching but reception years which is a year older the nursery and im pretty set on it. So we'll see what tommorow bring :)

im loving the working life :D

times gone by

IM BACK YEY.
Seriously doubt alot of people noticed i was gone like but still i can try ayy!

reasons for not writing.

1. i really couldnt be botherd
2. had so much going on
3. no time
4. i suck
5. wasnt feeling the inspiration

SO anyway im back and have alot of things to say.

SCHOOL CAN SUCK MY BIG TOE
i am so angry with my fricking schoool seriously why does it feel the need to try and make every singloe one of us perfect, how dare they tell us to express ourselfs when were not allowed to do anything,. not aloud to have multitoned hair, not allowed jewlery, not aloud bright makeup only natural colours, have to wear a specific tyupe of sock, no nail polish, it comptley sucks. I have work experience starting tommorow for five days, im dreading it, id be fine if we wasnt with anouther school who is SO STUCK UP THEY MAKE THE QUEEN LOOK LIKE A CHAV! so im going to a primary school which my younger sister bean goes to and im with some friends so i hope it wont be that bad. im just scared in case i get a quesation wrong LOL.

PHOBIA.
 So i have a serious phobia of people being sick which resorts into a panickattack/breakdown no jokes. i went to councilling for it a while back and that was a disaster, she was a trainie that was absolutley was RUBBISH at everything and treated me like i was 5 ugh. She made me was videos of people being sick which included drunk people, fake people, cats  & these two aussie girls who drank raw eggs to make themselves sick in a little tin, this included close ups of there sick..it was pointless&rank (yes this is on youtube:|) but anyway after long weeks of councilling i was so not over it. But after a while i convinced myself i was over it and i was doing really well until the other night. My friends 15th birthday was going so amazingly at the theme park and then a lovley meal..then we slept over at her house like 5 of us and her friend come over too, now they had planned to 'booze iut up' so i went along with it and because me and keelie were quite badly sunburnt keelie ends up gett8ing sunstroke so my inicial thoughts of when i had sunstroke were 'SICK' & then her friend had been drinking two nights before andburped and bought up wkd and chrisps, and i felt like i was going to break down and have a pancik attack so i called my mother to come pick me up so i wouldnt ruin anyones night, so i got my stuff and went home. i swear to god i broke down in tears because i felt like such a downer and this phobia is ruining my life completley, so now ive told mum that im going back to the counciller and i planned to get hypnotised. I seriously hope this works this time because i cant go on living with this. It puts so many limits on my life. IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING SIMILAR TO WHAT I HAVE PLEASE TELL ME ID LOVE TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT, AS I NOW NOBODY WHO KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE PEOPLE LAUGH IN YOUR FACE AND NOT REALISE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS. OR IF ANYONE KNOWS ANY SUPPORT SITES OR ANYTHING PLEASE TELL ME. CONTACT DETAILS WILL BE AT THE END OF THE POST.


I had so many things to blog abouttoday and now ive gone blank. ahhweeell. i apoligise for the spelling mistakes as this is rushed and i cba to spell check it :')

I WILL POST EVERYDAY ABOUT WORK EXPERIENCE, SO READ ON FEW BUT SPEACIAL READERS THAT I HAVE!!


Contact info:

Tweet me @kjsmithx
email me - kslittlethings@gmail.com


MUCH APPRECIATED XXXX

continue

its late..very late  
 nightmares again.

So anyway heres why yesterday was like one of the best days eva.  I was watchign the royal wedding when all of a sudden the phone rings and its cobie asking me if i wont to go out with her and callum so i said yeah, and we went up yarmouth (all the decentish shops are there) and it was histerical in so many ways. Just the things these tweens come out in is more then enough to put anyone in a good mood. So the day was filled with mexican hates and fake mustaches which by the way really itch up your nose, i ended up putting mine as a mono brow haha. But they day was amazing. 

happy 1st of may :)

(L-R)Callum and i, i realise i look horrible, but he's so cute in his mustache:D

(L-R) mysel, and cobie :D

There twitter names cobie- @fuckyeahcobie & callum- @JemonToast

there truly amazing friends :3

best day evaa

im not talking about the royal wedding even though that was the highlight of my morning, but the rest of my day was filled with mexican hats i cannot spell nor pronounce and mustaches. yepp that only can mean one thing cobie&callum...



more deets later..

to my bestfriends

My life is changing just as the weather is here in England. It seems every time the weather gets better and better so does my life.  Even though i have always loved my friends more them most things Ive really started to adore them best ones, i mean your best friends are your best friends because there perfect to you. I have more then one and to be honest i couldn't live without any of them, recently i was on quite a low but im looking to the positives as i always try to do, and just really in love with my friends at the moment :)

Dear Lily, Esmee, Cobie, Callum, Briony, Sophie, Kellie, Lauren, Daniel, Logan and Carlie
  Your amazing people and you all mean so much to me, thank you for always being there for me when i needed it the most.
 Lily, Esmee, you've put up with me for seven years now and i love you for that. I adore you both and you've always been there for me even if we argued. Your both hilarious and i now that the day will be amazing if you two are there, recently we've become alot closer and i really do love you both so much. Your both so beautiful and if you ever let anybody tell you different ill kill you.
 Cobie, what can i say, when i was really down you came to my rescue..your absolutley perfect in everyway and i love you so much, i class you as my bestfriend and i love how great our talks are on the phone and i need you to now that your the first ever person ive talked to on the phone whilst peeing;). You make me laugh all the time and your just so beautiful and you need to remind yourself of that everyday because you now you are your just in denyl.
 Callum, my new friend, i adore you, your so amazing we've had so amazing conversations over he time ive known you, and your one of them people you feel like youve known your whole life when youve only known you for a short pieriod of times:), youve always been there for me and your an amazing friend i love you to pieces:)
 Briony, ive known you since middle school and recently weve became quite close, your an amazing beautiful person who deserves all the happiness in the world, you make me laugh so much and i really do think your amazing, weve had some amazing times over the years that ill never forget, i love you x
 Sophie, weve become close latley and i adore you, your so beautiful and you deserve so much happiness, your amazing and you never fail to make me laugh when im down and your positive about most things, your absolutley gourguss and i love you so much.
 Kellie, weve had plenty of downs over the years and even though we used to be at a point where we where unsepreble we drifted..some friends do, but your one of them people who even though we drifted ill never ever wont you out of my life even if we where just friends id be happy thats you was in my life if that makes sense. Your so beautiful and i love how funny you are, i like how were getting closer everyday, cant wait for the circus :D loveyouxx
Lauren, weve been close for ages and i now weve drifted but ill always love you loads, and ill never forget the amazing memorys weve had, your so funny and your always there for me whenever im down, i now things arnt always easy for you but im always here for you i love you loadsxx
 Dan, my best boy mate..what a year ayy, youve always been there for me no matter what and weve become really close latley, and idc if people think we fancy eachother, because we now that were bestfriends, i love you loads x
 Logan, your like my little brother, and although we got to a point where we didnt speak for ages i still class you as my little brother, your a lovley lad, and ill always be here for you no matter whatx
 Carlie, although you are my cousin, your like my sister, i love you loads and even though we see eachother twice a year if were lucky were still very close, your always there for me as i am for you and weve had some cracking memorys that ill never forget, you tell me the funniest things about your life and i now its not always easy for you but ill always have your back and i love you more then youll ever now:) x

I now its really shloppy but im in that mood and i do really love them above x

happy easter

happy easter!

This is the worst Easter for me, im celebrating easter with a bag of peas on my head and a hot waterbottle. I have major abdominal cramps and im over heating and i also feel like i could throw up any second. Ive also got at least nine easter eggs from my family and recently ive gone of choclate completley. I havnt had the heart to tell them :/

Other then that i have things to look foward to such as going to the circus with Kellie and her family on tuesday :) but then i have exams all next month:(
So my last two posts where really short and freakishly sad. I was on a low.

I hope all of my very few reader have had a good easter xoxoxo

ive decided

If you veiwed one of my posts where i talk about what i want to do in the future, erase it.  I figured i dont want to do all that preperation with a studio and allthe different peices you need, i want to jump straight into my career and ive deffinatley made my mind up on what i wont to do. Im not going to say for the long run but ill mention it in other posts. I dont now what else to write atm im just on a low i guess lol.

people and there ways

People can really swap your emotions. One minute your calm and the next you feel like you just want to scream in their face. Wether its your family or friends or a stranger someone or more then one will always bring you down when you least expect it.
  Maybe its ourfault we get bought down...do we deserve it, are we really that easy of a target? do they now what they say can affect someone so much in such a little way. But are we that sensitive that we get upset because its just not what we wont to hear? how do we prepare for the comments? laugh along with it? go home and cry? hit a pillow? talk back?
  We all get them days where our feelings are fragile right ? but why are the people we care about most always the ones to hurt us ? even if its just a word. And i cant say ive never said something to upset someone. But do we do it infront of people to make ourselfs look bigger and cooler? maybe. 
We all get them days that we just are on such a low because of other people that we just dont care, we dont care about what day it is what time of day it is or what the time is. We dont care wether our handwriting is neat or wether weve spelt woeds correctly.

were only human.

future?

Although im only 14, i still have alot to think about right. You see i need to make a decision on what i want to do as a profession when im older, im currently in year 10 at Ormiston Venture Academy, and ive taken my GCSE'S early with the rest of my year. Its scary to think that i have year 11 left and then im off to collage.
   My mid was set on becoming a Deaf&Dumb English teacher in a primary school, but as i thought about it more in depth i wouldn't enjoy waking up every morning from staying up late marking books and planning lessons, even though i really do admire children and the art of sign language i dont think that sort of life is cut out for me anymore..
  So its come to my conclusion of either becoming a Interior Designer or a Photographer. I think at the moment because im so into photography and just capturing memory's and stuff like that im gonna go with that option. My type of photography at the moment isnt good but its getting better but i need to work on it alot, but ive only ever tried nature shots with a few close ups of my sister BUT...i asked my friend Lauren if she'd wanna be my model so i can try it out and see how that goes with people aswell as nature.
   I hope to study photography at Great Yarmouth collage and if we get the choice of picking another option in the future of schooling ill defiantly pick photography. Ill post some pictures down below so you can get a rough idea of how not great i am:)

you can also see some pooey shots here(when i first got my camera)
http://twitpic.com/photos/kjsmithx

a look back on the past for teenage girls

Them days when...u girls where convinced that wearing crop tops where the proper bras and suddenly we had risen to women hood.

Them days when..we all thought disposable cameras where the best things in the world and suddenly we went into professional photographer mode. 

Them days when...we was all convinced that boys had cooties or some sort of zombie disease that if we touched the animals we'd immediately DIE!!

Them days when...we wasn't looked down on for peeing in a swimming pool..it was a cool thing to do. 

Them days when...it was cool to be stark naked on a beach without being called bad words i don't think i should repeat.

Them days when...boys thought they where some sort of power ranger of superhero and they'd do crazy karate shizznick in out faces.

Them days when it was fantastic to have at least eight boyfriends and roughly about 2 husbands.

Them days when...chicken nuggets were the best thing in the world well besides from eating sand

Them days when...we got treated to a happy meal and we felt like QUEENS, and the nest day when someone would ask what we had for tea we'd say it in a sarky kind of way as if to say 'HAHA YOUR LIFE FAILS BOOOYYAAAHHH' 

Them days when...We could use our 'cheeky smile' to get anything we wont...now its known as a pedo smile..

Them days when...loosing teeth was WOMANHOOD! 

Them days when...we could get all the presents of nan and gramps to fill that little speck on your floor.

Them days when...going on a school trip was like going to Italy

Them days when...we could draw the absolute scruffiest and still bring mum to tears

Them days when...we worked are butts of to do our best in school.

Them days when...we where rebels for having the crusts cut off our sandwiches...our hairs not going curly..

Them days when...watching the tweenies live was like being at the royal variety show

Them days when...whoever had the best ponytails would be like empress of the playground

Them days when...we could throw a paddy to get our own way!

Them days when...getting heat-rash was a deadly illness..

Them days when...we where able to sit in the trolley

Them days when...we sung we was so going to win pop idol :')

I made alot of comparisons for then and now, and it does make me laugh haha..

them days where good whilst they lasted!

nightmare

so tonight i am sleeping at my friend Johns house with Sophie and Christian, it is 04:40am in the morning and i was rudely awoken by a nightmare, this is a first for me to be honest ive never had a nightmare whilst sleeping round someone's house. And i gotta say its not cool"/, im majorly freaked and i guess thats why im blogging today/tonight; to keep my mind occupied?
    The freakiest bit about it is that sophie woke up with nightmares the exsact same time as i did, although something else has happend to sophie which is personal and private and i wont go into, so that may have caused it for her ? but i now she's prone to nightmares! me on the other hand i have no clue about. 
I wonted to wake up to my friend so i had some comfort but no he decided to go downstairs and fall asleep, this did not help and i feel that if my heartpumps and harderit will tear through my skin. 
And my nightmare wasnt even that bad its just after watching the last excorsism earlier i think that played on my mind abit, anyway so heres what i got freaked out about...right im lying where im lying now and sophie and john are asleep like on the flory thing and christians downstairs (which is true haha) and all of a sudden the door creeks open and the girl from paranormal activity like slowly walks in and stand theregazing into my eyes and nobody will wake up...thats it;it honestly felt so life like, i think the word is vivid? please correct me if im wrong or if your actualy reading this because so far my blog has gotten like 6 veiws approximatley, umm i think the veiw thingy is broken, nono scratch that i hope its broken. So to them approximate 6 people, thankyou for veiwing my blog!!
  Anywaaaay me and sophie just went to get a glass of water and i was so freaking out all i could imagine was turning around and the girl standing there. and when we was halfway through she says to me 'oh can you just shut the door so the cat dont get in' so i did but i felt myself bolt up the stairs like as fast as my legs could go without trying to make a noise so i wouldnt wake the whole street up and just dive for the bed which is quite a distance, and thats how i ended up blogging this which no one will probaly read, but at least i know its here right? no your right my life sucks!!! well im just gonna go and tweeet know, if you do read this and decide to follow me you can @kjsmithx


sweetdreams??

the blind side

Besides from being my favorite film, today after watching The Blind Side once again it really got me thinking..
  If you haven't watched The Blind Side its about a young boy Michale Oher who lives in basically a really rough place, his mum is a drug addict and its not a good place. So Michael is homeless and sleeping on his friends couch and when they kick him out because the mother of hid friend doesn't wont to take on the responsibility of Michael he is homeless. Coach Burt has convinced the admission people in the christian church to let 'big mike' go to school there, and Michael is basically the only black person in this christian church..from what we now so far Michael only has a polo-t shirt and two pairs of trousers in a carrier bag to his name, until Leigh Ann Touey (apologies if i spelt her last name wrong) and her husband Sean Touey are one their way home from watching there son sj's (Sean junior) play, when they see Michael walking in the pouring rain in just some shorts and a t-shirt....they take him in and it all ends good in the end with Michael Oher becoming a professional footballer. The story is so gripping and its hard to imagine that this film and the books are based on a true story. 
  Im not a religious Christian nor am i American so i wouldnt know anything about American football all i know is that its kind of like English rugbay but some of the words i9n the film really got me thinking. 

Our life is the only life we have ever known, it doesnt matter if your rich, poor, come from a large family or a small it is the only life weve ever known, and we never really think about what goes on beyond street or neighborhood we live. There is so many neglected, homeless and abused children in the world today and its happening right under our noses. In the film 'The Blind Side' is used in a sort of football term aswell as a sort of moral or something, but i had a think about the title and it's so convienient in more ways the one. Everyone kind of has a blind side where we are totaly oblivious to what goes on around is, in the sort of places Michael Oher was dragged down in. The film really inspired me to become a better person, infact i wont to become a better person then i am right know wether its just the small things to the large. If everyone was liek Leigh Anne Toey oh my gosh the world would be so much better. Im not saying ill be a big hero like her and the other toueys are im just saying id like to do things for the better sometimes in my life knowing other people who really need it will benefit from it. I mean if you saw basically a child walking in the freezing rain going to the school gym because its warm would you tell the child to get in your car and take this child to your house and give the child a place to stay..would you get so attached youd make him an official part of your family? no matter what race, colour size, religion, beleifs this child has?, even if the child had great difficulties? Some people might but some people wont, we cant change who we are any quicker then we wont, because things will hold you back but shouldnt we just kick them out of the way and move on with the good things ? its difficult to say im going to change and try to become the best person i can then to actually try too, but i really think if more people did just a little thing in there time to help someone in desperate need then the world would be so much better then it is.



To all them people who care, and do hudge things for thoses less fortunate, thankyou!

venture's got talent.

Venture's Got talent, 7/4/2011.
The winner Kaileb Bryant. She is a pianist who is truly 100% amazing, i was so shocked when i heard her play. 
   Kaileb is a Year 9 student at my school Ormiston Venture Academy, ive seen her millions of times around school and its funny how you see people around school and you never even think what kind of tricks they have up there sleeve. I can honestly say i love this girls style i think shes so beautiful and she looked absolutely stunning tonight. Im so glad she won she deserved every last clap and cheer she got. Kaileb played Bella's lullaby and i was honestly shocked it was so good i thought there was a tape player under her foot;), but no its her playing.  I was in shock. 
  She looked absolutely beautiful in her dress and her hair is lush! she's so talented for her age i know i keep saying but its true, and i hope she reads this and smiles because she deserves it and im so glad she won.
   There where so many good acts tonight though aswell such as Alex Frith, A drummer, hes actually amazing, his friends made me laugh they where on there feet screaming there lungs out cheering it was so funny, all in all he was absolutley amazing though i personally think he's better then keiran gaffney or however you spell it. He didnt make it into the top two but he only lost by 1% of the voting to the cheerleaders, I think that these two where my fave's along with Rikki Robbinson who composed his own song he was pretty good. 


But kaileb and alex where tehe two that got me tonight and I'm sure the 200 odd people who where there will agree :)

The winner Kaileb, She was truly amazing :)

Alex Frith-The drummer, really talented !


Another Act i really enjoyed just forgot to mention up above was a comedy act by Ryan, Alistair,Ben and Nick on sound effects, they were really good and i loved the bit where Ryan did something with his boxers to the principle:') these kids are so going to be on west end if they wonted to, there pretty hilarious :')

Ryan&Alistair, they are really good, Ben was good too i just couldn't get a good enough picture :(






Well done to all the acts but these are the ones that personally stood out to Me 


 SHOUT OUT TO: Keelie who did amazing in the lyrical dance :) <--love her



Links to there performances down below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxR7yfwlUNg -kaileb bryant


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzD25NJl0nM&feature=related - alex frith


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flaNqc2J_7Q&feature=related - ryan, alistair, ben & nick

the cuteness

The cuteness in this world is so amazingly weird. I mean them moments when the sweetest child walks past you and all you can do is say the words 'awwwhhh', its an uncontrollable habbit that makes us feel like absolute twats afterwards, but it makes the parents feel good right :). So i was on my way to school this morning and this most adorable little boy EVER! he was so small and cute and ginger and just melted my heart..anyway so i was walking past him and his mum was abit in front trying to get to school on time and i look at him in utter shock at how cute this child is and he pulls the cheekiest most amazing grin  and sticks his thumb up, it made me laugh uncontrollably and i don't even care i must of looked like a complete nutter to my fellow school pupils but this kid really made my day because for once i wasn't greeted by kids picking there noses or popping there spots!!..So this one child really got me thinking about all the cute people in my life, there is so many in more ways then one. Their personality, looks and there laugh.
  The laugh of a person can ultimately decide how cute they are. Like my little sisters she's 8 and she has such a funny laugh is what my family calls a 'mucky' laugh. Except its only funny when she's not putting it on, see she's at this attention seeking, thinks she's older then she really is stage . Another is my Nephew Corey who is 4 i think hehe ;) hes absolutely adorable with his Liverpudlians accent and his laugh is quite similar to a 'mucky' laugh but its quite high and its just one of them laughs that you cant laugh at. The last laugh goes to my gourguss cousin Orla who is 7 she has such a weird laugh and it sounds so freakish it just brings out the chubbiness in her cheeks.
   My second cousin Ella is the most adorable child known to man, I've never really herd her laugh though but shes ADORABLE, she's one of them child's you have to smile at no matter what mood your in...even though she's 1 :)

labels

To all the people who put labels on people...get over yourself. You are no better then the next person you lay your eyes onto. What's the point ? to try and make yourself look better then you really are or to give yourself reassurance that your just the slightest bit better then that person, well your not.
    My best friend is basically mental, but she has amazing opinions and really got the point across to me. I'm not saying that ive never put a label on someone, but after i thought about it and my best friend's words it really made me think...that word i called that person may be the end of them.
    We don't now what goes on in that persons life and we dont now how hard things are for them or what happens behind closed curtains. Most of us dont think before we speak and we dont always consider the consequence. For all we now a few hours before the person were about to target out could have had a real hard time at home, or is getting bullied at school..we contribute, we make the situation worse and to be honest if you just sit there and laugh at the person who is making these remarks your a part of it.
    Think this way say there was a girl that had just started your school she wasn't like you or she didnt fit into your standards. You dont now anything about her, you dont now anything about her life you just now what you think of her and you decide to share with your friends who more or less will repeat to there friends and so on until it gets back to this girl. She goes home thinking she's done something wrong to make everybody turn against her and the only place she fits in is with the people just like her..but them people can rise above it and they can make themselves feel better, but she cant. Things at home arnt easy for her either..her parents are divorced and her mum is struggling to find a job and get some good wages for her and her younger sibling. When she sits in her room tears running down her face because she feels so hurt and like nothing will ever get better. Her mum finds her and tells her that everything will get better and they will move onto someone new next..but will they?..will you?. The next day she feels fine after a good night sleep but she hears people whispering behind her back giving her evil glares and why? because she wears dark makeup. Not the sort you would wear. later after a hard day she logs onto her computer onto her facebook and finds rude comments about her. They make her feel like she's at rock bottom. This is still carrying on at school and things are still rough at home..she curls up in bed one night and thinks to herself this can all end, i could make this go away...She walks into the kitchen and pulls out a knife and with a slice of that blade all the pain the struggling and the humiliation has gone. Her blood is on your hands..you contributed to that innocent girls death, you didnt think of the consequences it can have on you. I bet you feel bad and wish you never called her a skank,fat,loner,nerd.
    People may be looking at there computer screens thinking this is actual bull...but remember you could be the death of someone and could you live with it ? knowing that you basically are the end of that person.
    Why do we do it? When our school teachers ask us why dont we wont uniforms? (im assuming everybody has given the same answer) 'Because we wont to express ourselves..we wont to show people who we really are and not be trapped in our blazers', truth is when we do express ourselves wether its through our clothes, hair, makeup, jewelry, music, likes or dislikes we still get judged,humiliated and labeled. Most teenage suicide is caused by depression but what causes this depression because we dont wake up in the morning feeling like this all of a sudden. Its people like this who dont think about what they say. Ive decided to make a change and think before i speak and really think about how id feel if it was me in their shoes. If your one of these people you should to. 
 And if your the person who has ever felt like this show them your worth so much more then you make out to be and just think you probaly have alot more things that you can say about them.

momma

Its the only life ive ever known, its the life i feel like nobody else has ever been through, it haunts me day in day out and i feel as if my only happiness is holding on by a piece of thread. Nobody knows and nobody cares.
    Whats the point in trying to pretend that everything will only get better, because it wont, it never will and it never has. Its getting worse every every hour, every minute of every second of the day. I feel selfish knowing that others have it alot worse then i have, but i look at my friends and think how is this fair; were good people and we dont deserve this pain..she doesn't deserve this pain.
    I look around and i see happy faces and it makes me wounder...is that smile real? do they really feel like that! ive learnt i cant fake a smile, i dont want to but i dont want everybody to think im a worthless depressed girl who cant hold it together, but they dont understand, they wouldn't..they say they know how it feels but they dont they think they do.
    Im sick of imagining, i imagine what seem like fairytale lives, what i wish my life could be someday..but them words he speaks, them words he told me whilst she was out bought me back down to reality. She does everything and we sit there and take her for granted, she does everything, and all we say is thankyou. Well sweet karma is knocking on our door, sweet revenge is upon us, but she's the one who will still suffer.
    The youngest is still yet to understand how this all works, she's the one who will have to understand things dont always go our way. I now we fight little one but your a more rebellious me, confused but fighting against everything. I dont want to have to watch you feel the way i did when your my age, i know how much it hurts and eats away at your heart until its just little flakes of nothing.
    Why you? why her? why us?, 27 of us will go through this together, seeing it, living it. Some maybe more then others, some dont now how bad things have gotten over the years. 1 will feel the stress an wonder where he went wrong? another 1 will feel as if this happened to everybody, 1 will stand there and hide under her quilt watching the light from her eyes dim in that seat, that 1 person will watch everybody and everything crumble around the family and wonder how she will pick up the pieces. If she can pick up the pieces..
    I see the worry on both there faces, the suffering, the fear, the anger. These four people have to stick together like glue, stay strong for one another but theres more to it then feelings. Its the pure torture of waking up every morning and living the nightmare over and over and over again, but it gets worse everytime you wake up.
    There's no more hope we can use to ease the pain. It was my fault, i sometimes think what if i had dent of been born would their lives be different? if i changed the pattern could these last 14 years ever of existed of so much pain, not being able to run around with the kids? not being able to do things other mums can do?
    There's no more sheer determination inside me. This room i sit in is the only place i can escape, its filled with things i dont use, things i dont need, things that i dont even know i had, i still hear them speaking words, they sound normal, why cant we be normal? as soon as i put my foot outside of the door its like a spirit is dragging me out of the room, screaming at me and slapping me in the face, forcing me to watch the nightmare continue..but i dont want to.
    She's so brave, she puts on a smile to keep us all strong and to hide away the pain. I cant keep my eye's dry when i talk about her, i never have been able to i never will not even now. She'd sit in the cinema with me for a few hours whilst we watched a film, even though it caused her pain. She'd go on walks to please the family and make sure we where having a good time even though it caused her pain.
    Im dreading the day it happens, im kind of embarrassed that she wont be like other mums, im kind of hurt that she's not like other mums, that she cant take her kids out to a big Field and run around with them until she gets tiered. I sometimes think how selfish im being, how if i feel so much hurt how does she feel. People can be mean, people are mean, they make fun of people like her but they dont understand how much it can affect just one person. They will be the end of me. Nobody will love me when behind closed curtains my life is so different, they wont understand.
     We seem to get through every little problem but this is bigger then any of us. Im scared for everyone, i dont know if we will ever get through this one. I just dont now anymore.
    Im deleting all the imaginary things out of my life, all the dreams and wishes all the papers that i have made, i dont need you to make me feel like every things going to be ok dont want to live on a lie.
Dad, carry on being strong, you've done so much for us and without you we wouldn't have the happiness we do.
    Deeney, you stay strong, and dont let anybody tell you your not good enough, dont let anybody hold you back you kick down that wall. I promise to be a better sister and i will always be there for you.
    Mum, im so proud of everything youve done and if i was half the person you are id be so happy. You dont deserve whats happened to you. You dont always have to be the strong one for all of us, i now you hurt inside and i cant take away the pain but i will always love you more then anything in the world no matter what happens. Your so strong and ill be sure to tell everybody our story.
    To all the family's going through something like this, i love you, carry on being strong and my best wishes to you, i hope good things come to you all.